Oooo, baby
Someone's been hitting McDonalds
Skinny girls are too bony, anyway
She's still hot.
Looks like 90% of the skanks who hit the clubs on Friday nights
Nothing wrong with a little tummy
She's married to a regular guy, and you KNOW he doesn't mind the extra oompha
Sorta hot, you know it is
Can you image how the other divas cracked on her behind her back?
by firing her, the WWE lost a HUGE audience with single black males.
Breathing heavy... her, not meWell now I feel a bit better... which is the most important thing.
**************************
So here's the agenda for the month of July, so far...
Revisiting this past weekend's activities. I'm not done with this by a longshot.
The all-new CD lineup for my car
And if "DRUM" is reading this, let me know... I need you.
And, if "DRUM" comes through, I plan on giving some British wankers a little reminder about some hard facts of fucking life.
And I live blog where I shoot heroin, then drink 8 cuips of coffee and report on the difference.
And I am thinking about giving up Copenhagen.
And answering comments like these:
236) June 29, 2009 10:13 AM... 090909 said... RE: Will I Am. Guess we'll know when we hear the audio, but sounds like you should OPEN WIDE, sonny.
Yeah, where is the goddam audio anyway?
This is one of those deals where its fun to speculate and I like annoying you people by playing along, but it isn't a sold, done and done deal with me. And if the idea was to have me jump around like an idiot hooting and hollering because my massive ego... well, I hoot a bit, just for kicks, but there will not be any hollering.
Why is it that some of you STILL think you can put one over on me? I've seen every trick in the book, and invented a few of them. The only time I was caught off guard was years ago when some dude pretended to be Tammy Sytch. Ain't happened before and won't happen again.
So WHERE'S THAT FUCKING AUDIO??? And where's that other prick with that internet radio show I did where I pissed all over Eric S? That's been promised a few weeks ago to. Step to it, jagoffs!
237) June 29, 2009 3:19 PM... Anonymous said... Hyatte - i know it doesn't bother you but disregard the haters. And Will has turned me on to you and I think you're a funny man. If you would post a picture, maybe my boytoy would be history. Stay strong while we tear this up.
- F
Aww geeze... this was well-worded so it sounds like it COULD be her...
But I'm pretty sure she would refer to herself as "Fergie Ferg" or something similar, seeing how she does it in every song she's ever sung in.
And asking for a picture was a nice touch...
But really, she JUST GOT MARRIED A FEW MONTHS AGO!! Who gets wrapped in such a bad relationship that they are looking for me online so early into their wedding bliss?
... I mean... jeeze... that's a lame marriage then.
238) June 29, 2009 4:49 PM... Anonymous said... Whoa. Have read some lame shit here, but the above hits a new fuckin low. Sorry "-F"
And yet you keep crawling back like the bitch dog you are. Ruff.. ruff you stray mutt.
240) June 29, 2009 5:25 PM... Anonymous said... The funny thing is that douchebag Hyatte will believe it's Fergie.
Well, I might have, there was a slimmer of a chance, but YOU couldn't keep it in your pants and could only wait two hours, not enough time for me to respond, before you HAD TO WEIGH IN WITH THE AWESOME INSIGHT and say, "Oh, I bet he'll fall for this bullshit!! LOL!!" Nice going, fuckface. Way to let the joke play out.
241) June 29, 2009 7:16 PM... April Hunter said... This is probably not the best time to say hi, but hi Chris, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while been busy, busy. Then I was just killing time online and found your blog. Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do.
How do you know its me? Remember the time I called you. Ah, you bragged about that for so long, that's no good. But how many people know about that certain pro wrestling newsletter you used to e-mail me? Aha.
Anyway, good to see you're still around.
April
What's up, hotpants. How are you? Talk about bad luck, the last I heard from her she was down in OVW because her husband, JD Michaels, had just gotten a WWE developmental contract there. And then, just as they LEASED A NEW CONDO... WWE DROPPED OVW as a developmental territory and released Michaels out from his contract.
So she was stuck in Kentucky, with a quickly dried up wrestling scene, in a lease that would cost way too much to get out of. Boy, was she pissed. How did that work out, anyway? Still with your husband? Talking to Velvet Sky or is she history? You were hotter anyway. And what tapped trick hooks up with that pug ugly, going nowhere Gregory Helms, anyway? I mean, its weak enough that Matt Hardy maintains 20 different social networking accounts and fucks with the marks... Helms can't even score a low-level push out of it.
Hope all is well, red.
242) June 29, 2009 9:30 PM... Anonymous said... Screw perez, For good ragging on pop culture check wwtdd.com
Ah yes, WWW.WhatWouldTylerDurdenDo.com. I've checked it out. He posts lots of pictures... but I just can't get over the sites name. It was a great movie, and directed with total coolness... but stop making it something more than it already is, for chrissakes.
What would Tyler Durden do? Not fucking GOSSIP ON A WEB PAGE!!
243) June 30, 2009 10:41 AM... pillowfight said... hyatte, maybe you can help me out, with your "guide to life" experience. i work in a country far away from home. money is good, which helps me kinda live my dream and travel around the globe.
but...
i feel like shit here. no friends, no girl, no family, not even colleges, nothing. i am pretty old, don't do drinking or drugs, and then there's the language issue, so socializng just plain bores me. basically i'm fucking alone here.
so what should i do? go home, work for scratch, but have decent people around me, or stay and make money and slowly go crazy?
thanks, pf
Well, first I don't see how you wouldn't learn the language? How do you drive? How do you buy things? How haven't you picked up on a few words and started building a vocabulary?
I mean, making friends is easy. "Hey, wanna go out for a beer after work?" Yoiu don't drink? Have a Ginger ale with cranberry juice. It's good and looks like a Sea breeze. "Wanna shoot pool?" Boom, the first step.
Stay where you are, learn to adapt, make as much money as possible. America is in trouble these days, other countries are starting to wonder if the dollar is all that strong anymore. Our new President is trying his best but people are hammering him because he hasn't turned it around AFTER JUST 5 MONTHS. There is no money to make here. Stick where you are, make the cheddar, then come home all rich and live out your days set for life.
No brainer.
244) June 30, 2009 1:06 PM... Dr Drew said... What should you do? Stop fucking whining here! We're happy people! You're killing my buzz, loser!
Dr. Drew, you were waaaay better when you had Adam Corolla working with you. On your own you are just a fucking pain in the ass attention whore. How much can we possibly care about the dude from Taxi with the fruity hair> (No, not Kaufman)
243) June 30, 2009 3:06 PM... Julie said... Anonomous - Grow a pair will ya and at least post using your name? I'm not a dude...I'm a 38 yr old woman. Also- who the hell is Rinsa?
You know, remember when NoSoul brought back ScoopThis last year for a retrospective and I participated? Well, we got to talking and I invited him to comment more here. He turned me down because he wasn't up for all the ball busting that went down here.
People, sticks and stones. Let them say what they want. No one knows anyone here except for me and anyone who knows me a bit better always lets me know with secret messages. Julie, baby... dude... who cares? You're fine and ENJOY the fact that you can say whatever you want here and no one can trace it back to your personal life.
And remember, no one here gets busted on more than me.
244) July 1, 2009 4:47 AM... GIANT TESTICLE MAN said... Ha - more proof than ever... Julie IS a dude Not even a nice try, as CH would say
Now, see... I think GIANT TESTICLE MAN here is a chick.
245) July 1, 2009 10:10 AM... stewie said... "But, I like your mind and your sense of humor. Particpate more... because she won't be doing so as much."
You like my mind, eh? Well you'll like my body even more. My doughy, hairy MAN body!
Jeez, I've never had to try so hard to convince someone that I'm not a chick. Ain't that a kick? I'm like the anti-Julie
Okay brother, you win. You are not posting as Patricia. I believe you 100%.
From me in the June blog: However, if anyone noticed this... it seems that the poster named "Stewie" always posts ONLY after "Patricia" posts... so either Patricia IS Stewie OR... Patricia has herself a stalker.
So I guess its the second option.
Rock on, bro'
246) July 1, 2009 10:41 AM... Anonymous said... Stewie, I think the accusation is you're closer to Patricia than you let on. Almost like you're, I dunno, MARRIED to her. Or something. *cough*
Who says she's married? *ACHOO*
247) July 1, 2009 12:13 PM... fbintx said... so wait, we can post as other people? how do you do that? thanks for a doozie of a June. I enjoyed it.
Frank, you need to keep on truckin' as you are.
And besides, I think all of you has posted anonymously once or twice here... probably just to back up or respond to something you posted earlier and got mad because no one else was picking up on it. Christ, even I have posted anonymously to jump start this train from time to rime.
246) July 1, 2009 12:19 PM... fbintx said... PS although I must say, Christopher, I find you very attractive. Mmmm.
Okay, I laughed. I'm sure Frank didn't. Texans don't play this.
The difference between being black in Texas and being gay in Texas is at least the blacks get the opportunity to be found guilty and spend a few years on death row AND get a nice last meal before getting killed. The gays just get dragged into the woods. Without so much as a Tic Tac.
Speaking of gays... WADE KELLER. There, I said it.
And, as a special treat, I snooped through my history and found a special you tube clip that someone was nice enough to put up here. He only put up the address, I'm putting up the clip.
Its simple, really... but oh, so fascinating. This is Scott Keith plopping around at an indepoendant wrestling show. This happened several years ago, back before youtube... might even have been my 411 days... so we are talking YEARS.
Dig the shirt, dig the hair... my God the HAIR... dig the style...
And dig how he signs someone's shirt without a single shred... I'll say it again... WITHOUT A SINGLE SHRED OF HUMOR! The kid can barely stop laughing in his face and Scott's signing away like he's the biggest star in Canada.
You have to... HAVE TO assume his wife has since cleaned him up, brought him to a hair salon, and has since taught him how to dress.
No shame whatsoever.
Yeah, this is going to be a fun month here.
*****************
I want to make one thing clear...
I had NOTHING to do with this. It started with an anonymous post NOT from me. From there it caught on. I love it when you guys get bored and begin amusing yourselves. You really are a substantial reason why I do this blog. But I had zero to do with this. I was just curious to see how far it would go.
But really guys... after a couple of days and NO ONE posted any sort of news blurb from ANY sort of newspaper? Enough of you know my last name, you'd be able to find SOMETHING... just letting someone say "RIP" and someone else agree with it and THAT'S ALL YOU NEED?? No one even said I was dead.
But fuck, I even googled MYSELF... just to see.
I would have been happy to sit back for another week and just watch my own funeral here, or at least see how it all turned out... but I guess its too morbid.
Plus someone who is special to me is going through some real problems in her life and she needs me around to cheer her up once in a while. She wasn't happy that I let it go on this long, whether I was involved or not. So, it's for YOU, baby...
You could've e-mailed... *cough*
Anyway, I needed a week off to chill. I'll post something on Sunday or Monday...
But thanks again. Don't think too low of other posters who might have fallen for it... admit it, ALL of you started to wonder.
Next post I attack Britain.
********************
Let's go back to the beginning of the month:
I had wrote a nifty, large piece on Wade Keller, which included several older Midnight News bits which served to PROVE that I KNEW something was up with the guy... that he was hiding something. That there was a MAJOR skeleton in his closet.
And the payoff was pictures of him with his new baby, adopted with his husband/wife/partner by the name of Corey.
The baby's name is Bowie, which means that not a single woman participated in the naming of this kid.
The amazing thing is, Wade found someone even more anorexic and early 90's grunge then him!The entire point was to brag... in an entertaining way, that I was onto the guy LOOOOOONG before he came out.
And yes, I realize that being gay doesn't mean you're odd. Or that something is wrong with you... but... umm... he IS odd, and so tightly wound that you can't help but wonder if there was something wrong with him. Him being anti-clitorus just provides a big piece to the puzzle.
Then again, he was allowed to adopt a kid, so SOMEONE who watches over this kind of stuff saw him fit for parenting... so what do I know.
Anyway, I posted it, and was happy with it for a day or so... then a bunch of you posters reacted and pointed out just how the thing could be perceived... which was in a way I did not want. I am not trying to launch a comeback. I am not trying to start a new web feud. And I'm not interested in being ground zero for "KILL THE FAGS!!"
In short, its fun to goof on Wade and his meth-head looking, beedy little weasle eyes wife, and their cute little kid... but, really, its still a touchy subject... and gay people have enough problems without some douche like me making fun.
So I yanked it, within 24 hours.
Now let's face it... this is a small little bloggy, it would've taken a good long while for it to make the rounds, if ever... but it did get out to one place... the strangest place... the last place I ever would've suspected.
Someone at a British wrestling fan message bored posted the link.
And the British wrestling fans reacted... well, a couple of them:
- "Wow, who cares? Welcome to the 21st century."
- "One internet wrestling columnist nobody cares about outs another less popular internet wrestling columnist and nobody cares. I love it how he has to stalk some other guy for years and then openly mock him for being gay just to try and get himself over in the IWC. Hyatte is shit."
- "I oughta invoice you for the time I spent reading this rubbish."
- "Does anyone know who this guy is?"
- "First of all, who cares? Hyatte is so lame. Secondly, what he's gonna do next, 'out' Graham Norton and Michael Barrymore?"
- "Never heard of this Hyatte character in my life, started reading his site... and soon gave up. He writes like a bit of a mental."
- "Hyatte outed himself as a cunt."
- "Jesus fucking christ what a piece.. "
- "Well, he doesn't care enough to write thousands of words in a shitty blog about him. Who the fuck is Hyatte anyway? I haven't heard of the daft cunt, and don't even know his first name. "
- "I assume it's Chris but only because it says "Posted by Chris" on his page. Given that the story is basically a long winded way of writing "LOL Keller is a Fag!!" I'm also assuming he is 12."
- "Next he will be outing Pro Wrestling as fake! Stupid prick."
- "When he finally decided to knock it on the head, I thought it was a good call as he's pretty much stopped being interesting or funny. I guess he missed the limelight.
Disappointed he turned out to really be a twat. "
- "As for the actual matter at hand, someone outting someone else on the internet... where have i read something like that before? The guy is simply a cunt no matter what his reasoning"
- "Is this fucking guy for real?? The guy needs a good slap!"
Wow, lots of politically correct rage... and apparently, the British enjoy calling people "cunts". That word never quite made it here in America as a nasty little curse word. Strange.
But its nice to know that the Internet message board tough guy is alive and well. That will never change.
Well, I wasn't about to allow myself to be hammered so hard by a bunch of Brits... I'm American and there are some thing we just cannot allow... its in our Constitution and everything. It's not about them not knowing who I am... I wouldn't expect that anymore, its been too long since I was an active memeber of the IWC... this is about introducing myself to some kids and giving them a REAL reason to be all pissy.
I registered with the board... and the administrator took his sweet, sweet bloody time to approve it... but he did... and now that I have some time, I would like to say hello to them.
This is what I posted:
'Allo mates,
Terribly sorry it took so long to respond but us colonists have busy lives. Keeping our teeth clean and white alone takes up valuable time. Not that any of you would know anything about that, eh? ;)
First, I will go ahead and assume I am speaking to all British people. If you are not from the bloody Kingdom, too fucking bad. You are reading this, I am assuming you are a wanker. I don't care if you're German, French, Austrian, or Scottish, you are here, you suck the Queen's arse. Don't be a bloody twit and shout, "HA HA, JOKES ON YOU, MATE!! I'M FROM SWEDEN!!" I don't care. I'm American and we still own your arse.
So then, my name is Chris Hyatte and I am from NEW England, USA. Since its NEW England it stands to reason that it is an improved version of OLD England, which is where you wanks are currently sitting. Makes sense and an inarguable case. Nothing surprising there.
It occurs to me the coincidence here. You Brits get wind of an American "outing" another American on his blog and pour on the outrage and the hatred on July 4th. You remember that date, right? Its the day we Americans... the Colonies, decided that we don't want to live under the rules and whims of some inbred royals (and have you seen your future King, Charles? How many surgeries did he have to keep his eyes from going cockneyed?) and threw you out... right and proper. We did it in the dead of winter, with little clothes, no socks, ragged shoes, and hardly any food. Your empire was well-stocked with all the rations you could ask for, and we still blew you out of the new land.
So I can understand the fury. We lowly little rag-tag army completely buttfucked you and sent you back to the Queen with giant, bloody arseholes and nothing to show for it. You never really recovered from that have you, mates?
And it must KILL you that as time went on, the people who made you our bitch continued to grow and become the greatest power on the planet. Oh, you knobheads tried to adopt Democracy, shortening the monarchy's grip and establishing a feeble electoral Government, but what does it say when your best known PM of modern times... Tony Blair, took each and every one of his cues from OUR President, the great Bill Clinton? Followers now, followers then, followers forever. I know it, you know it, the bloody WORLD knows it.
So I can understand the vitriol. But, as an American, I must respond. I can't let some lonely, yellow-teethed tossers spout on about me. That would make me no better then... well, you bloody pratts. Can't have that.
See, I come from America. Yes, we are arrogant, but we earned that right when we cornholed you back over the bloody pond, tails rightfully tucked betwixted your legs. We further earned it by bailing out the planet in TWO world wars... including the second one where, by the time we entered, you gits were already sucking Nazi cock and swallowing them whole. Remember that? Wasn't even 100 years ago. One of your silly, inbred Princes clearly doesn't... the way he sauntered about as a Nazi for some bloody Halloween party a few years back. Well done, mates. Long live the Queen.
So, we threw you out, then saved your arses from total Nazi takeover. (Some of us still argue about letting them fully absorb you before taking them down, but we decided to let you hold onto your culture for a while longer. You're welcome.) But I make one blog about a guy who covers a "sport" where naked men roll around all over each other, sometimes covered with babyoil, who introduces his adopted child with his husand/partner/lover and you get all uppity about it. HA! Look, mates... homosexual love is still a fairly strange concept to us, I admit. But we wipe our arses after shitting on the loo, and our toilet paper is soft and plush. I know you bloody twats have sandpaper-like paper to use... and sometimes you forgoe using it. We know you're a lot greasier back there and, thus, more accepting of things going IN rather than coming out. We know, we can smell it whenever we visit. We just don't publically discuss it because of manners. Daft prigs.
So, in short, since you needledicks saw fit to have at me with some proper British bile, I see fit to properly remind you of your place. I am from the place which took the Beatles from you and made them our own (poor John was never going to leave New York, he was bloody done with you bloody norahs). I am from the place where your finest actresses come to make movies and millions and get rid of their stinky accents which we bloody larf at.
But even better, I'm from the place that rejects your biggest stars... Robbie Williams couldn't find success here with a search warrent and a flashlight, we chased him out in a sulk. Oasis almost made it in, but we decided "no chance, nipples" and now Liam runs around shouting, "I bloody didn't want to be big across the pond anyway!"
And poor Freddy Mercury died once it was clear that we like a lot of his songs, but never the whole, flaming, bloody Queen package. He died with a big, bloody cock rammed right up his poopychute, right?
In turn, my gnarly, smelly, Kingdom of low bitches, we gave you Madonna... our modern day sex-kitten/one-woman conglomerate, and you tried to turn her into a prim and proper English mum... even giving her the miserable nickname "Madge". Well, that couldn't last with such a wildcat superstar like her, so she dumped your uptight, emotionally stunted husband (is there any other kind over there?) and came running back home, where she quickly took up with a major league baseball player and then a twenty year old model from Brazil. See, you can't drain Americans like you drain each other.
You can keep Gwyneth Paltrow, though. Please. She's perfect for you. Annoying with a unearned sense of royalty. Keep her, and that overrated husband too. Your Irish neighbor Bono called, he says Coldplay will NEVER be the next U2... and we all agree.
So while you bloody cream-filled gnats carry on about what one yankee has to say about stuff going on over the pond, please remember your place. Below us, needing us, depending on us, and sucking our large cocks with bloody glee because we make your world go round and round. This is not news nor is it up for debate. Its world known. Sure, we are in a bit of a political spot now, but we just hired a new President, our first black one, who is already going about to fix things up. Just sit back and wait patiently, we'll fix this mess... again.
And now that we have put in a black president, how long before you bloody tossers follow suit? Always behind, always following.
And aye, I know at least one of you damn twats who are currently reading this will be dead soon by the swine virus. Don't worry, we'll get to a cure eventually. And maybe ship a few hundred boxes of Crest over with the cure. We are good like that.
And one last thing, will one of you bloddy sods PLEASE tell this daft fool Doug Williams to lay off the Yorkshire pudding? We like our professional wrestlers to not fag out and kill the match 2 minutes in with all his bloody huffing and puffing. Do it and we'll see about keeping William Regal off all the free drugs we have to offer here.
Godspeed, mates. Now you have an excuse to call me a cunt.
Yours,
Christopher Hyatte: Typical American arsehole. And loving it.
_______________
Now I can catch up on comments... and talk CDs.
**************
So let's get this show rolling... to stay in chronological order, the topics will be the Keller thing and how I yanked it, Candice's fat ass, and everybody's pal, Scooter Keith. The death stuff comes up much later.
236) July 4, 2009 2:25 PM... Anonymous said... Wow. Hyatte TOTALLY caved
To whom? I decided that there was no upside to keeping what I had up there other than spending a year explaining why I'm not gay basher. The concept was good, the execution BAAAAD.
237) July 4, 2009 6:41 PM... Anonymous said... i know you probably don't wanna rehash this, but i didn't think you are a homophobe or gaybasher just incredibly....petty. Don't know the personal history between you two and don't care. although gay or not they both are kinda goofy looking. At least the kid has ain't gonna grow up looking like them. You should have gone to different clubs in your youth. She looks like the kind of women who is lurking during last call, looking for a piece.
I just wonder how Wade will explain the strap-on dildo the kid finds when playing in Dad and Dads closet.
I can handle petty. Great comedy can be mined from the trivial.
Candice doesn't look like a last call cruiser at all. She actually looks like a normnal girl in those picks... with gigantic hooters.
Nibbling a little tummy can be a boffo turn-on. Bony bitches are scary.
238) July 4, 2009 9:08 PM... Tony Majestic said... Um...yeah...I completely missed the part that could have been perceived as anything homophobic because I'm not fucking stupid. On the other hand, Hyatte is completely wrong for making fun of that poor girl's weight problem. I demand you remove the pictures of the girl who ate Candice Michelle AT ONCE. And I'm offended that he referred to black males. He must have been saying something insulting, by God. Incidentally, this black male says that Candice Michelle can still get it.
Tony, my friend, like I said in June, the brothers have put up with intolerance for so long that you all can spot a real hater from a mile away. You can tell the real bigots from the clowners on sight. I could hang with you all night and make fun of prison, sisters, large black cocks, and every other stereotype and you'd give it back just as good and not once would you get even bothered, because you know your white brother here is basically color-blind.
Gays haven't developed that ability to differntiate yet, they are still think we all hate them. They also know we are a loong way from putting one of their own in the white house yet. So keep that in mind, they don't have a MLK to preach to everyone yet.
239) July 5, 2009 3:57 AM... Wade Keller said... Mmm. And THIS white male says Tony Majestic would TOTALLY get it. xxx
There you go, then. Bust out the Maxwell House and Elmer's Glue, Daddy Keller is ready to PARTY!! MICHAEL STIPE STYLE!!
240) July 5, 2009 1:45 PM... Anonymous said... When it was brought up previously, I wondered if Wade was in the closet and then I saw in an old post that he mentioned had actually been with his partner for nine years, I was a bit surprised. As for Candice, yikes! She still isn't that bad though.
Can you imagine the scoops Wade would get if he actually hooked up with Pat Patterson? TAKE ONE FOR THE READERS, WADE!!! LET'S FINALLY BEAT MELTZER TO ALL THE HOT SCOOPS!!!
9 years together... and it looks like the spent a grand total of $500 on food.
241) July 5, 2009 2:12 PM... Bigly said... And it has now been pointed out without the lesser evolved sheeple even realizing it. It's socially acceptable to objectify and ridicule a woman but in todays sensitive culture how dare anyone make a gay joke. Gloria Steinem got her ass handed to her by a queen brigade from San Francisco.
Said woman was highly paid to keep herself objectifiable. Then she showed up at a show wearing the same outfit but squeeeeeeeeezed in. And I understand she spent her rehab time partying quite hard with her Go Daddy friends.
Personally, I think she was done with the business once her collarbone broke. And once it was made clear to her that Playboy won't be coming around for a second photoshoot.
Who wouldn't like to spank that booty? Watch the ripples... oh snap.
242) July 5, 2009 3:38 PM... Anonymous said... Oof on the Candace Michelle pics. WWE had to fire her before Shelton Benjamin knocked her up. Is Cryme Tyme still employed? B
I think she was Cena's road cookie for a while, and Cena's women are off limits.
I think Cryme Tyme have grabbed R-Truth and are pulling a night train on Maria. That one has gone ROUGH. Punk got outta there just in time.
243) July 5, 2009 9:20 PMzeekarkham said... I'm a black male that likes skinny women. Along with being a police officer, this sets me at odds with my race at least 95% of the time. Oh, and Hyatte, if you ever come back down to NY, you've got at least one cop looking out for you.
Brother, I have you and a cop on the gang squad on my back in the Big Apple,
But I'll do you both a favor and, when I make it down to the city again, I'll stay out of fucking trouble.
Is Times Square still filled with interesting characters who just walk around asking for money? "Yo big man!! BIG MAN!! WHAT'CHA GOT FOR ME???"
Is Central Park safe at night yet?
Anyway, haven't you seen The Shield ? Black cops are supposed to be self-hating closetted gays who turn to God and find IT DOESN'T TURN OFF THE FEELINGS!!!
244) July 5, 2009 11:27 PM... richardrh said... Hyatte, never acquiesce!
Oh just this one time... and now we know why X-Pac Waltman likes to hang out with him.
And does this Keller thing just make you WONDER about that little midget, unfunny, unwitty, no thoughtful opnion-making Jason Powell? Does he even have to kneel to suck the dick of anyone over 6'2?
245) July 6, 2009 9:31 AM... fbintx said... You might well be attractive. We'll never know. SK really rocks the pimply dork shiek look proudly. Love the black jorts and that snazzy tucked in t-shirt. I wish I could get his autograph.
I'm alright. I've just grown a goatee... makes me look older... and EVIL!!
Again, given how long ago the video was, I can only hope Scooter's wife cleaned him up some and did some shopping.
Frank... why do I think that if you sent Scott a copy of his own book and a self-addressed, postage paid envelope, you could GET his autograph. Make sure you spring for the postage back, tho', or you'll never see that fucker again.
246) July 6, 2009 10:52 AM... Johnny Rodz said... Hi-8, since I posted the Keith video link, can you please, please, for old times sake, just unreasonably bitch about some net writers. I know, I know, it's queer. I don't need you to be detailed, and I'm not asking you to rake up old graves, just, if you have it in you, make some petty stabs at Csonka, Grut, Keith, whomever you like. I just find it theraputic.
JESUS CHRIST, I JUST OUTTED WADE KELLER AND YOU WERE ONE OF THE FEW WHO READ IT!!! WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU WANT?????
And FUCK LARRY CSONKA!!
GRUT WHO?? HE'S DEAD TO ME!!!
Thank you for not mentioning that Jeff Smalls douche.... I KNOW you wanted to.
247) July 6, 2009 11:45 AM... Wade Keller said... Mmmm. Hey "Johnny Rodz", your comments about Hyatte make me think you must be playing on my squad, if youknowwhatImean. Fancy being the meat in a Wade/Corey manwich? xxx
If anyone knows what to do with "Rodz"...
Oh that poor fucking kid.
248) July 6, 2009 1:55 PM... Drum said... Get ready bitches. Your ass is grass, and Hyatte's gonna sell it at inflated prices to you, watch you smoke it, then piss on your faces. O yes. Cannot wait
Ugh, mate, leave the intraweb promo making to the professionals... horrible set-up. Almost made me drop the whole topic. Weak... Benoit weak.
249) July 6, 2009 4:30 PM... Gordon said... Far as I'm concerned, ain't a problem in the world with how Candace looks. I'm chasing a girl who looks kind of like that right now, but I'm locked down in the fucking friend zone
Oh you poor shmuck. Get out of there, its too late. Its over. You'll never get her. We've all been there... except for "Goodfella", he gets ALL the girls.
250) July 6, 2009 5:34 PM... JesseBaker said... In other news; I read on Scott Keith's blog that the WWE seems to be initiating a new form of bullshit censorship policy that makes removing all matches involving BabyKilling McWife Strangler seem sane and reasonable: basically ALL old school wrestling footage with blood can now only be shown, in black and white in order for the WWE to be able to make all of their stuff TV: PG. Shows on the WWE retro channel are already featuring the new edict. Jesus Christ that's ultra retarded/
Yeah, I've seen it. Basically, when the blood flows, they cut the video to black and white and turn the blood green. It's not horrible, and its actually fun to watch then try to switch back and forth for a ten minute Flair match.
And it wouldn't shock me that a HUGE reason why Vince won't let Flair wrestle again is that he could blow a forehead gusher by accident in a heartbeat. Not good for a PG live show.
It seems the WWE are making these sudden, drastic changes left and right... when, for the last twenty years, Vince ALWAYS stuck to his vision (those 80's Hulk-a-mania days were faaaar more adult then you might remember.) I think Vince is letting too many people influence his decisions. Probably people more on the business side of things that no one ever talks about.
251) July 6, 2009 6:00 PM... Anonymous said... What's the big deal about what Scott Keith looks like (or looked like, this video is at least 8 years old)?
He just looks in that video like what every other average male wrestling fan looks like. A wrestling T shirt, slightly overweight, enthusiastic because he is at a wrestling event and totally unself aware.
I'm not a SK fanboy but I would guess that several people that post here wouldn't mind:
1) Being married to someone or at least being in love with someone.
2) Getting paid/freebies for a hobby - writing about something you really enjoy.
There are plenty of other people in the world that deserve to be ridiculed before SK - Keller for example. Bowie. DAMN.
You have points... but here are a few extra details:
That kid who had Scott sign his shirt, was doing it as a goof for the Scotsman. If Scott was in on the joke he played right along... and I don't think he's that good an actor.
That same kid, was a featured wrestler on that show. This wasn't a legends classic fan fest Scott was at. It was backyard wrestling with a fucking roof. Not exactly Wrestlemania.
1) Being married or in love hasa nothing to do with the topic at hand, as Match.com wasn't even invented when this video was made.
2) I don't think Scott likes writing aboot wrestling any more than I do anymore. He's just waiting for that magic editor to offer to publish a real book of his.
The point is, I think, that Scott really needs to be more self-aware. Trust me, I've spent years working on the guy. None of the humiliation I rained down on him took hold.
But... really... is there anyone here... the fattest, dorkiest, most antisocial reader I have (sit DOWN, Patricia!!) who would go out in public like that? Be honest.
252) July 6, 2009 9:43 PM... Anonymous said... Good stuff... www.twitter.com/seanshannon
Oh leave the kid alone. He's not doing anyone any harm.
*******************
I'm moderating things for the time being because I want to seriously catch up with comments here, so I want to tighten the leash a bit for the time being.
99.9% of anything you want to say will go through. You all know this, you know I'm nice and loose here.
Feel free to leave private messages. And phone numbers.
253) July 7, 2009 9:15 AM... A whimsical Dory Funk Jr said... Surely the signs were there with Keller all along? Not just his effete manner in interviews, peculiar use of "kissy face" etc - but his website newsletter is called THE TORCH for chrissakes!
Torch! Torch song! HE WAS TELLING US ALL ALONG.
Not that it matters..... although if they wanted a zany music baed kid's name, they should have called the wee mite Psycho. See, Psycho Keller. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
Does he really talk like that? Funk, mean. I remember an Internet promo he cut on Ed Ferrerra, of all people, years ago... and it was something like that.
Have you ever wondered how that old, old OLD man Dory Funk has managed to stay wrestling for so long? I mean, is brother can barely walk anymore... Dory is loads older than him.
Of course, Dory liked to keep things simple, European Uppercuts, looooong stretches of armbars, a bodyslam here and there, and then the Spinning Toe Hold. Boom, done and done... on to the next town.
254) July 8, 2009 12:50 AM... Anonymous said... That Scott Keith video was a Scotsman prank, if memory serves me. I'm pretty sure that is Marky Mark wearing the shirt that Keith signs, which is actually has that original horrifying picture of SK himself on it.
And suddenly, Scooter doesn't look that bad now that we know some skinny Canadian asshole was running around with the creative name "Marky Mark"... what, was "Bono" taken already on the Canadian backyard 90's wrestling scene?
255) July 8, 2009 8:37 AM... Anonymous said... HAHAHAHA! THAT SCOTSMAN!!! WHAT A JOKER HE IS!!! I THINK I JUST WET MYSELF!!!!
Yep, and now, years later, all the both of us do is cater to a bunch of message board/blog posters with made up names. Only difference is I LIKE most of you... even Rinsa... even STEWIE... whoever she is.
Has Dealer Dan lost everything at the poker tables yet? A true gambler has to know what it feels like to lose the deed to the home at least once before he can call himself a pro.
256) July 9, 2009 8:22 AM... fbintx said... uh oh, did you peter out again?
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?????
man, even organ grinder monkeys need to sit out a few songs.
257) July 9, 2009 4:54 PM... Gray said... So, I'm a fan of the botchmania youtube stuff. Well, one thing led to another, and I ended up at this: http://www.wrestling-news.com/TranscriptRF14.html
Ah, the Rob einstein dirty talk with a minor chat transcript.
Should be noted that Rob was never charged with anything, and is still hanging onto the ass end of the business, conducting depressing shoot interviews with mostly bitter old rasslers, and forever horny and newly fat Missy Hyatt.
258) July 10, 2009 7:09 AM... Jason Powell said...
"Didn't know Scott Keith was left-handed. So is Barack Obama. And George Bush and Bill Clinton. And Tom Cruise.....and, uh, the Boston Strangler and Jack the Ripper (so they say.....)"
POWELL'S POV: I understand this is all true. And, did you know the late Kerry Von Erich only had one foot? Help me, please. I'm dying inside.
Oh Jason, it isn't you that's dying inside... it's that poor Hamster that Wade and Corey jammed in there the other night. *rimshot HOOOOOOOO
I have to give Hal Jotsky a call.
259) July 10, 2009 10:14 AM... Anonymous said... RIP Hyatte. Very sad news
And thus began one of the most interesting 5 days in this blog's history... right behind the time I announced that I got married.
I may dig into this stuff later tonight.
***********************
Okay, let's get into the "RIP" stuff. I want to analyze and guess how this went so nuts. I won't be offended if you skip this and wait for the next update, but this is all you get for the weekend.
260) July 10, 2009 10:38 AM... Rob said... Fuck. I just heard this too. R.I.P. and thanks for the good times
I think Rob here started it as anonymous 18 minutes earlier and decided an extra oomph was needed, for credibility.
261) July 10, 2009 11:13 AM... Anonymous said... What do you mean RIP Hyatte?
The first sucker shows up.
262) July 10, 2009 11:15 AM... Anonymous said... Dude's gone Pretty young too. RIP
Two minutes after the first post demanding answers, but less than an hour after the announcement. So whoever started it (Rob?), was bored and hung around to see which fish would bite... or if I would show up.
263) July 10, 2009 11:45 AM... Anonymous said... Came here soon as I found out. What a waste. And more to the point, pretty cowardly, but now isnt the time I guess. RIP
Now I just noticed THIS one suggested that I killed myself. This, I think, is a fresh poster who saw what was happening and decided to play along.
Nice touch with the suicide idea.
264) July 10, 2009 11:47 AM... Anonymous said... Where the heck are you guys getting this information? What the hell happened?
Hmm, now this is only two minutes after the post with the suicide floater... same guy just dumping gas on the fire? Blog activity is usually busiest around lunchtime here.
265) July 10, 2009 12:11 PM... Grut said... I heard as well. RIP. Hope you're finally at peace.
I'm tempted to think this really was Grut but I can't imagine why he would still be reading this, or participating. And where are the Jewish death prayers? Not even a decent word that sounds like your coughing up phlegm yack?
266) July 10, 2009 1:20 PM... Anonymous said... Anyone know if he left a note? R.I.P. Thanks for the memories Hi8.
Ah, a couple of hours later, I think this is another new poster playing along. And going with the suicide angle. But, there's a hole here... I mean, OTHER than there not being mention of this anywhere...
There has to be a lot more shock and morbidity when implying that someone committed suicide. Doesn't really work if you just say, "Wow, where's the note? Oh well, thanks for the memories!"
And no one asked HOW I killed myself... which is always the first question. Bad work... lazy and inattentive to details.
267) July 10, 2009 1:23 PM... Anonymous said... Who gets custody of Patricia?
... okay, this was me.
And the answer, of course, is Stewie gets her.
268) July 10, 2009 1:28 PM Anonymous said... Damn fools... what's the deal Hyatte? Or did you start the RIP stuff yourself you prick- if you did do it... if it's true... dayum.
Now the snowball is picking up speed and gaining momentum. And again, I didn't start any of this, but I was enjoying the ride.
269) July 10, 2009 1:36 PM... tom said... Keller had him wacked over this shit? Damn
The cool thing about getting lynched by the pink mafia is they always smell great, and you can pick up some great fashion tips... and there's nothing funnier than a guy with an effeminant voice talking trash. "How tough are you now, MR WONDERFUL!!" "KICK HIM, JEROME... TWIST HIS NIPPLES OFF, JAIZIN!!"
270) July 10, 2009 4:24 PM... fbintx said... RIP
And really, Frank, once you jumped on, I think it added a bit of legitimacy to this bullshit. You being the first "regular visitor" to go with it. People started really wondering now.
271) July 10, 2009 2:48 PM... Jay said... Holy shit!! Rest In Peace x
Why would a guy named "Jay" blow me a kiss? Ick.
272) July 11, 2009 7:14 AM... Damien said... He gave enough clues but still I'm a bit shocked by this as Inever thought it was that bad. Anyone set up a condolence book yet? R.I.P. Chris G
Now, see... THAT is how you work the suicide angle. Nicely done, son of Satan.
273) July 11, 2009 7:49 AM... Anonymous said... Of course he's not dead morons. You are just being wound up.
Well, it took a day, but FINALLY someone read all this, shook his head in disbelieve, and said, "Whatta bunch of tools."
274) July 11, 2009 9:13 AM... JesseBaker said... It's true. And it sucks. RIP
Jesse, I'm surprised at you. Didn't see this coming. I like it!
And I think seeing another regular like you hop on added more credibility.
275) July 11, 2009 10:19 AM... Julie said... OMG is this true????
Hi, Julie.
276) July 11, 2009 10:29 AM...Anonymous said... Julie, dude, it is for real. Poor fucker. HYATTE LIVES! in our hearts and minds. RIP
Yeah, you see... while I like the little nod to the Julie Controversy, it made my death seem like a giant JOKE....
.... SHOW ME SOME RESPECT, GODDAMMIT... AFTER ALL, I WAS AT THE PEARLY GATES TRYING LIKE HELL TO EXPLAIN MYSELF!!
277) July 11, 2009 11:54 AM... Anon-E-Mouse said... I'm calling bullshit here. Where's the supposed confirmation even coming from? Arms-length as he kept everyone all these years, it seems awfully convenient how easily it is for some to back this up.
Now the fun began... after a day of well wishes, it started to occur to everyone that there was no proof. The snowball was flying down the hill and it took a life of its own.
And suddenly, someone decided that 411 was ground zero for this sort of news.
Tonight I'll finish this up... don't worry, I'll skip a lot.
Bruno was funny as shit, hilarious. Sasha Baron Cohen is a certified genius. No question.
But nothing was 100% improvised. There was no "real people" caught totally unaware. Everyone was in on the joke. Too many of the film scenes were too seemless for them to be done in just one take.
The hillbilly hunters would have beat the shit out of him and left him for the possums. Local actors or just locals in on the joke, 100% scripted. Not a doubt in my mind.
And some really slick editing, of course. I don't know if that Terrorist he interviewed was real, an actor, or in on the joke... but there ain't no way he sasses up to that guy if he was real.
And anyone else notice that he basically repeated the exact joke from Borat with how he and his assistant parted ways? And really, Bruno is almost a step by step homage to Borat, structured 100% the same.
Bruno was funnier because Cohen FLOODED in more jokes and sight gags, but Borat was better structured, more story-like.
The guy is a genius, tho'. The marketing for this movie, which started a year ago with news clippings about trouble he would start at airports and such, was brilliant. And the payoff was worth the effort. Great flick.
Okay... so... I know I'm behind the times... and running with obsolete equipment... but I like what I like and fuck you. I'll get an Ipod when I'm damn good and ready. You will know I have one when I start demanding information on where I can download free music... because I'm not going to be Itunes bitch anymore!!
So, I have a ten disc CD changer in my car, and every so often I like to change things up and put in a new lineup. Well lately, I've been throwing in all sorts of genres and artists, and been getting NEW stuff in there too. It's the greatest... and helps with dates too. They like to play with it to see how fresh thinking I am. Then they turn it off and flip to Kiss 108.... top 40. I have it on preset which they like.
Anyway, the summer lineup is a strong one, featuring new, old, REAL old, classic, and two artists that I have never purchased music from before.
1) Eminem: Relapse: Strong shit, very strong shit. The boy is still telling his life story as it happens on every disc. The radio friendly songs aren't as strong as his older stuff - We Made You just doesn't hold up to his big guns like My Name Is..., The Real Slim Shady, and Without Me. And what fucking sheltered hole has the guy been living in where making fun of Christopher Reeve... who's been dead for YEARS, gets major lyrics?
And why is his voice higher now? I thought he was just changing up for one song but nope, the whole album has him in a higher octave? Don't get that... unless his drug problem blew out his voice.
Still, a great disc.
2) Black Eyed Peas: The E.N.D.: The first time I listened I got pissed off. "IT'S A FUCKING DANCE RECORD!!" I shouted to no one at all. I'm a late 30's single white guy... when am I going to a dance club again? Very disappointed. Where were the fun singles that could run oin radio AND the clubs? Nowhere to be found.
Then it came around again... and there are some really sweet tracks here. And Fergie's confidence has grown so much that even a tone deaf old bitch asshole like me can tell. On the last BEP disc, she held back some, just doing her part of the song. On this one, she steps up and OWNS her parts. Hot little mess there. Still love her apple ass.
But the disc is still lacking the fun shit that old white guys can get off on. HOWEVER... it's a good disc to fuck a girl to when you're too lazy to burn a mix disc. Of course... most of us are done before the first song, Boom Boom Pow ends anyway. My best time was when Fergie hit her middle part... "PEOPLE IN THE PLAAAACEAH... IF YOU WANNA GET DOOOOWWWWNNAA... THROW YOUR HAAAAAA*"... (splat... "UOOOOGGGHHH"... whew, sorry baby... wanna hot pocket?"
3) TI: Paper Trail: This has been in here for a while now. And without fail, whenever "Swagga Like Us" shows up, I ALWAYS hit repeat for at least five times. "HOOOOOVAAAAA... DIPPY DIPPY ROVAS WHIPPIN' WITH THE SODA!!!"... I have talked to black people who have no idea what Jay Z is going on about. But one day I'm going to yell at someone, "HOW IT FEEL TO WAKE UP AND BE THE SHIT AND THE URINE!!"
4) The Supremes: Greatest Hits: Ahh, the rise of Diana Ross from lead singer of a motown product to her single career. This is probably a product of watching too much television shows and movies which use these songs because they were cheap to buy. Whenever a move or show wants to A: Unite black and white kids or B: Have some old guy show a shy kid how to pick-up a girl, they ALWAYS go to a motown song.
I like these songs, tho'... even though you can tell that Ross and co were justing singing other peoples words... and didn't really have any personal investment in them. Diana got better with that when she went solo.
And I want to see if I listen to Endless Love enough will make me want to burn down an ex-girlfriends house... or her Yoga Studio.
5) Guns 'n Roses: Chinese Democracy: It's... just okay. 14 years is a long time to wait for only one or two really good songs out of 16. And its waaaay too lyrical... Ax'l sings his ASS off but overloads us with lyrics, so much so that songs tend to blur together. Nothing really stands out.
I think we've heard the lasdt from W. Ax'l Rose... alas.
6) The Beach Boys: Greatest Hits: Oh why the fuck NOT!! This is a first timer for me... and YES, it's odd to be playing surfing songs in thr Southern New England area... but the songs are quick, snappy, and FUN!! And there isn't a song in the bunch that I didn't instantly recognize.
7) Elvis Presley: Greatest Hits: Which doesn't even have ALL his greatest hits... but its Elvis. Who don't like Elvis? 40 years after the guy died his empire is STILL going strong. Just fucking conform and download one of his compilations, you assholes. It's Elvis!!
8) Rob Zombie: Greatest Hits: THIS disc hasn't left my changer for three upheavals now! I'm not into Metallica so this is as close to hard metal as I'm ever going to get... and Zombie knows a hook or two.
Living Dead Girl is another song that gets the ol' repeat button whenever it comes on. Play this song during sex and you'll end up shoving your toe in her mouth during doggy fucking... and she'll LOVE IT!!
Great disc to play when fucking a tattooed druggie chick.
9) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: Greatest Hits: One day last month, for no reason at all, as I was musing about what to put in my changer that was new, Tommy P came out of nowhere and it dawned on me that I had never in my life purchased anything from Tom Petty. I wasn't really a fan, but I never switched the radio off when one of his songs came on. So I said why not! Petty deserves my few dollars for decades of entertainment! Plus, he looks like a fucking hobgoblin. PROPS!
And this is another disc jammed packed with songs... all of them I instantly recognized. Not a clunker in the bunch.
10) Eminem: The Eminem Show: Only because I like to bookend things with the same srtist. Next time I think I'll use Use Your Illusion I and II for the bookends.
So, yeah... can you see how KEWL I am!! Ha HA!!
Heh, so how many of you actually WAITED for this? heh... not a one, I think.
Let's hit up some comments.
278) July 11, 2009 2:14 PM... Anon-E-Mouse said... All right... Where's word of this coming from, though? Or is this just a "death" in the sense of killing off the Hyatte alter-ego?
I'm not going to spend much more time on the "RIP" portion of this month's comment log... but I must say...
Ask any girl who I currently chat with and/or email with and they will tell you, the "Alter-Ego" is MUCH cooler and fun then the real guy. "Hyatte" is thr bomb... the other dude is a bit of a tool. Ask any girl who knows me on the outside too... they'll tell you... oh man, will they ever.
But I can understand your question.
279) July 11, 2009 6:21 PM... Anonymous said... Been searching Obits all day and not even anything close in his area... It's bogus.
You all DO realize that when I do drop, its going to be pretty much the same deal... I'll just stop posting, someone will say RIP... a whole thing will erupt... then, days later, someone who has an INKLING about me in real life will do an investigation... but by then I'll be in the ground and I'm not sure it'll make the obits.
So, chances are, I'll just never post again and that'll be that. Out with a whimper.
280) July 11, 2009 7:25 PM... Crescemp said...
Have you morons never been on the internet before? Seriously - how fucking stupid are you? No, no - SERIOUSLY! How fucking STUPID are you??
1) Some guy - some ANONYMOUS guy - says Hyatte's dead, and you go searching the 411 forums to see if other anonymous posts will somehow substantiate the claim.
2) The same anonymous guy posts again and again every couple minutes to keep saying he's dead, and you go out searching the obits.
3) Hyatte himself said to watch out for goofballs who post something wild but just can't restrain themselves from posting 10 minutes later, but you, his fans, who say you've read this stuff since Scoops, BELIEVE IT WITHOUT A SHRED OF PROOF, YOU ARE STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!! YOU ARE STUPID!!!!
4) Tammy Sytch guest columns, Hyatte getting married, and this Trish Stratus thing and you STILL go for any wild claim, hook line and sinker.
The question is, HOW stupid are you.
If any of you readers have followed Hyatte as long as you claim, maybe you remember what ScoopThis.com always said - If it's on the net, it's gotta be true. But... you DO know they meant that sarcastically and not as gospel law, right?
Right???
Now go quit wetting your pants and wait for Hyatte update like good little twits.
Morons.
MORONS.
Heh... your points are all well and good Mr Crescemp. HOWEVER, I DO notice that you waited until my continued existence was confirmed before piping up.
So... maybe... it looks like you YOURSELF didn't want to say anything until YOU knew for sure.
And what "Trish thing"?
281) July 11, 2009 9:02 PM... elmarko said... I never wondered for a second, I've been staring at you through a hole I drilled in your ceiling for 2 weeks now. I know exactly what you've been doing and yes, I think it's weird.
Really? That's you? I thought it was a dead squirrel.
Hey, I jerk off a LOT for such an old guy, huh?? CONFIRM, PLZ!!
282) July 11, 2009 9:02 PM... Crescemp said... Hi, Hyatte. I'm a longtime reader. And no, I never wondered if you were dead. All I could picture was some big, kinda fat bald dude, who could be built like Brock Lesnar, laying in the floor dead while a parrot contentedly shits on your Goodbye, cruel world! note as he eats out your eyes. And... sorry. Just couldn't. Couldn't buy it.
Well, no one could, really... but in the end, it was a fun excuse to visit the blog while daddy tended to real life.
The bird will be able to reach his food bucket if he needs to. Getting fresh water will be a problem, tho'. I think he'll scream loud enough so SOMEONE will get to him before he dies. Plus I DO have a friend or two who'll probably end up dropping by to hang.
I actually did wake up directly under the bird cage's open door... with the bird right over me one morning. Remind me to tell you that fun, drunken story.
283) July 11, 2009 10:30 PM... Anonymous said... Dayum - a brotha takes off for a week and look what happens... yall try to kill Hyatte, he plays along, Patricia verifies he's alive, Chris comes on and talks about it saying he didn't do it...
And Crescemp gets OWNED by Anonymous posters.
All is well in Hyatte-land - we're just one big dysfunctional family as usual.
Sup Hy8!
- Eva
'Sup, dude. Yep, and the family is a billion times better than anything Scooter has going on HIS boring blog. We might be the best kept secret on the web!
284) July 11, 2009 11:59 PM... Anonymous said... So is anyone else watching Skinamax "Lingerie" show? I mean if they were really doing it the guys would have to have like 3 ft peckers... Just figured this is the only place to air this kind of rant.
Heh, it's the right place, alright. I never heard of the show, don't have Cinemax... and since I don't know the show your comment about three foot peckers is TOTALLY cryptic.
So please explain... its been a while since we talked porn here... and we have Porn Valley to provide incite too.
285) July 12, 2009 2:57 AM... stewie said... "Anonymous said... And Stewie takes #79...Oh and Stewie takes cock too!"
Very funny, CHRISTOPHER!
Nice try, though.
Not me, son... or Sweetie... whichever. But congratulations... you've became distinctive enough to get people goofing on you here. About time.
286) July 12, 2009 4:19 AM... Anonymous said... Good times. And Chris please remember in your attcak on Britain that you have plenty of fans here who aren't assholes.
Noted.
287) July 12, 2009 6:27 AM... Anonymous said... Also, be careful Hyatte, us Brit's aren't like you Yanks, we were born with the ability to be sarcastic and as such have a naturally higher ability to rip you to peices and we don't want to have embarrass you on your own blog.
Noted. But might I remind you that dry sarcasm does not play well in written form, unless you know how to do it.
I know how to do it. And when has anyone ripped me to pieces in ANY forum??
That thing I wrote was fun. Playing the ignorant, arrogant American asshole who knows just enough to score points is always lots of fun. And bullet proof.
I also liked thw warning. Little nervous, mate?
288) July 12, 2009 11:26 AM... Anonymous said... All Americans are poofs.
Oy bloody Nora!! And all Brits are soddy prats they is!
286) July 12, 2009 1:40 PM... Anonymous said...I still say Hyatte is dead. This is clearly a FAKE Hyatte. It's the Ultimate Warrior scenario ALL OVER AGAIN!
Talk about retards... people TODAY swear that there were two Ultimate Warriors. No, there was one. He just had to get off steriods because his boss had the Government crawling up his ass with a microscope. Then he wore a T-shirt with his OLD body on it so fans would get confused. Meanwhile, Randy Savage wandered around in yellow spandex because he too had shrunk like socks in the dryer.
How great would it have been if all this happened today? If HHH had to start working in t-shirts with his old body sketched on it? If Cena went spandex to tpo bottom? Oh man, I might still be doijng Mop-Ups if this happened.
287) July 13, 2009 4:30 AM... Scrote said... Okay Hyatte, as we're all friends here - what is your real last name?
Sigh...
Not a chance. Like I said before... imagine the bullshit I'd have to deal with if I ever DID give up even a SMIDGE of real info here? There are people reading this looking for the opportunity to really bust me on something.
Plus my employers have fired people for what they say/do online... mostly facebook and Myspace stuff. It's too bad, really... because if I did tell you my real job, you would have a billion questions and things would really blow up here.
288) July 13, 2009 5:52 AM...stewie said... And Stewie once again takes the big one! Right up my ass!
You GO, girl!!
289) July 13, 2009 4:15 PM... Anonymous said... Gray & Anonymous live in their gay daddy's basement where they espouse the truth that all men are created to hump each other
Oh leave gray alone. I like him. He's cool.
But this comment cracked me up. Gray & Anonymous... BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
290) July 13, 2009 5:30 PM... Anonymous said... So Hyatte... Brock or Fedor?
I watched a lot Fedor but I just don't think he can beat Lesnar. Fedor seems overratted
All I know is that Lesnar is a fucking bull. He's just going to charge and start swinging and overpower his opponent. You can't run from him forever and it'll take more than one monster shot to put him down. He's just going to steamroll over you then keep punching until you tap or the Ref saves your ass.
How do you stop a tank? Like Mir did in their first fight. Try to wrap up a leg or an arm while Brock is just POUNDING fists on you.
291) July 15, 2009 9:31 AM... Anonymous said... This is all very silly. Keep up the good work Hyr8T.
Yes it is. Same to you.
292) July 15, 2009 10:39 AMA Brit Arsehole said... The teeth myth Chris? REALLY?
Fuck, that's lame. I expected better. Sorry.
Ahh bollocks, you bloody git! I was addressing a bleedin' lot of tossers who were doing bloody nothin' but calling me a cunt and running the typical message board flamefest at me tight lil' bum. I kin go cliche with cliche against bloody well anyone.
What? Did anyone really think I would put research into my little missle against a boar4d full of British wrestling fans? Are ye all DAFT??
293) July 15, 2009 11:20 AM... A Brit Arsehole said... And Another Thing... "And now that we have put in a black president, how long before you bloody tossers follow suit? Always behind, always following." Well right or wrong, we had a woman leader first. When you Yanks follow our lead some 25 odd years later and elect Sarah Palin, WE'LL BE THE ONE LAUGHING OUR LIMEY ARSES OFF. Then we'll weep for the future of humanity.
Palin will NEVER be elected President. Trust me. If she ever tried to run and designed her campaign to target the "Joe SixPack" crowd, like they did this year, the Dems will pick her apart in no time.
And don't forget. The democrats have Hillary. This ain't a beauty contest.
294) July 15, 2009 2:03 PM... Anonymous said... HYATTE RULES! And Crescemp must be British and gay.
Oxymoron.
295) July 15, 2009 4:43 PM... tom said... What's fun about that is, the people it'd piss off. The patriotic, love the queen, terribly proud to be English (get it right Chris, no calls themselves British, can't mock the welsh properly that way) don't really like them foreign dark types. They'd fucking hate that, would rile them right up.
The more, shall we say, advanced of us? Couldn't give less of a fuck about defining ourself by our country.
The good one's just don't care, how low would your self esteem be to be to need the country you're from to validate yourself?
So doesn't bother me particularly.
But, in the spirit of banter, I do have to point out we invented America, so we stay the daddy.
We saved your asses in Iraq and Afghanistan (without us holding back and backing up bush it would have turned into world war 3, you'd have won but it would have fucked you right up).
We did the Beatles, the Stones, Deep Purple, Clapton, Hendrix had to come here to learn how to play.
Madge can fuck off and die, pop shite's dull no matter which one of us did it.
And as for hating Robbie Williams? Well that's actually good work, we quite liked seeing that.
One last thing, you've spent a decade mocking american message boards - and you've just got to one of ours. If you're basing your judgement of the brits on that? Just how much do you hate burger land?
Ah that was fun, kudos though - it was a funny read. Did they leave it up?
Oh I KNOW its a rare sort of moron who can get pissed off when his country is insulted, but I know you Europeans really don't like it when an American comes in and acts all superior and stereotypical. Drives most of you crazy.
Remember A Fish Called Wanda? Great movie, GREAT job by Kevin Kline.
But, you might still be "Daddy"... but your "Son" just kicked your ass, threw you out of your house, kicked your ass some more, and now Daddy has to come to his old home to ask his son to help keep the neighborhood bullies off his lawn. Remember that.
I have a feeling Britian was enjoying the way Robbie Williams American Assault backfired.
And did I mention that you can have Madonna back? Please?
297) July 15, 2009 10:58 PM... A Canadian said... That was fucking awesome. Now do us next.
I already did. It was called And Another Thing: The Taking of Triple H Canadians enjoyed all the familiar phrases and verbage I used... even though I just mixed provincial slangs any which way. I got particular props for including a joke about the "Newfies".
Do you next? Well, there is one Canadian I'm going to do. Just have to wait for her bad marriage to end.
298) July 16, 2009 9:29 AM... fbintx said... I'm always late on reading this stuff. They're working me too hard down here in the sewers. Enjoyed the dressing down, though it was a bit heavy on the bloodies. Do they really say it that often?
The bloody 'ell would I bloomin' know??
299) July 16, 2009 7:09 PM... Gray said... Was Hal Jotsky based on a real person?
Sure, and a cliche comedy type.
300) July 16, 2009 11:51 PM... richardrh said... hyattus, Do you ever sit back and wonder if you could have parlayed your massive audience into something bigger? Like a paysite or a money gig? I mean, if you had like, say 100,000 hardcore readers in the day, and did a one time charge of $10 to join, that would be a lot of coin. You would have had my Al Hamilton.
Sure, all the time.
However, this audience isn't "massive". We are only 100-200 deep. Remember, most posts are from "anonymous" and most anonymous are just the same small bunch of douches.
On my adminstrative control area here, blogspot added a new feature called "Monetize". It lets you put up add links of your choosing... or choosing by the blog itself based on what topics you write about. And you can get paid from it.
You notice NO ad links here. I doubt you'll ever see ad links here. For three reasons:
A: I have this awful feeling most of the ads, based on the blog content, would be naked girl porno sites and wrestling action figures.
B: You all are terribly cheap and would just ignore the link sites anyway.
C: I do have a strange sort of pride of having provided... as someone put it recently... a "staggering amount of exceptional content over the years".
And I'll end it here at comment #300. Lots of stuff for you to ctach up on... most of it not so good. But there are some interesting comments coming up.
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